originality of opinions

Opinions, unlike matter, CAN be created and/or destroyed. If this is true, then how much of my own thoughts do I have complete control over? Maybe feeling as if my outlook, my view, on something, anything really, is entirely original, my own, is ignorant. My opinions must have been created by another, but I am incapable of grasping that thought. If all opinions are formed by others, where did it all begin? Who else questioned this? Who was the first? Undoubtedly, every idea circulating in my brain had to be stimulated by something(others' discoveries, opinions, ideas, and/or facts). My mind is uncontrollable. Even my own responses are not completely up to me. Everything goes back to my opinions that were molded by others', so what is my own? What are MY thoughts?

not just another phrase... to me

During my funeral, which sooner or later will occur, I hope no one utters that awful phrase, that idiotic phrase. I'm talking about the one that everyone either already knows is false or seriously needs to realize the fact. There are many phrases I find bothersome when said in this setting, but the very worst one, the one that wedges itself under my skin is "shes/hes in a better place now." I will not have truely gone anywhere except six feet under. Honestly, I do not believe in this so called 'god' character or heaven. I wish I did. I wish there was someway of convincing me to believe or even hope for such things, but there isn't. So, where exactly would I be going? I do believe I will be gone, and I do believe I will not even process my death. These thoughts are no longer depressing just accepted. Can someone please understand that? I 'pray' that there is no religious based speech at this 'sacred' occasion, though, how will I ever really know what happens?

Don't I receive a last wish?

the end of the road to nowhere

Falling with no landing, running with no end, thinking with no answers, acting with no objective, what am I doing? Where do these intangibles become tangible? I have a method to this madness... don't I? I am constantly searching for something, something different, something to complete the fragments of this so called life. What happens when I find 'it', this 'something'? What happens if I don't? I expect so much, but I need to begin to receive. Merely feeling different does not necessarily prove that I actually am. My mind has taken me away, away from the truth of reality. My brain is full of thoughts that make me believe in this supposed fantasy. I will find the end to this chase, catch the future bare handed, grasp the ideals of my reality.

reality or dream?

Reality is coexisting with my fantasy. How do I define this state of mind? I feel as if I am sinking into insanity, and then again I don't. This mind set is difficult to escape yet possible to forget, to overcome. Everything around me appears to be a dream, not one that is an enjoyable escape from reality, though. It is one that makes me question the point in believing reality in the first place. I question my existence, my control of my life, my thoughts, my feelings. What exactly am I doing here scribbling this mind numbing nonsense down? Is this even real? Ha, what is 'real', again? I am starting to forget any of the truth behind all of this. Ha, what is 'truth', again? I have forgotten. Reality or dream? What is this again?